Travel certainly changes you. I’m not talking flying to Florida or the Bahamas and sitting on the beach. I’m talking about traveling out of your comfort zone, traveling to places where you don’t speak the language (though you should practice and at least try basic conversation), traveling for a decent period of time. If you really want to be changed and see the world in a different way, traveling alone is a perfect way to do that. I got my first taste of international travel at 16 when I was fortunate enough to spend two weeks in Russia with a group from my high school. To go to Russia in 1996 as a somewhat spoiled American kid is an eye opening experience. The way they lived, the small amount of money they made, and the lack of the “newest and best things” gave me a real insight into a different life. I fell a bit in love with the family I stayed with and the people I met. They may not have had a lot by American standards, but they were some of the nicest and happiest people I’ve ever met. That experience made me look at life a little different and it also gave me a taste for travel.
Fast forward to now. I have traveled alone to Italy 4 times out of my 6 times and around Ireland for two weeks. Every trip has taught me a little more about myself and I’ve had new experiences that I will never forget. When you travel alone, you are forced to figure it all out on your own. There is no one else there to help you figure out the train system, the roads when driving, or to trouble shoot anything else. When you’re alone, you are forced to talk more to people you meet along the way because otherwise, you would be talking to yourself (which I’ve done as well). It takes a certain kind of person to do this. You need to be pretty positive, open minded, independent, strong, and willing to roll with whatever comes your way because things WILL go wrong. However, that’s part of the experience.
Fast forward to now. I have traveled alone to Italy 4 times out of my 6 times and around Ireland for two weeks. Every trip has taught me a little more about myself and I’ve had new experiences that I will never forget. When you travel alone, you are forced to figure it all out on your own. There is no one else there to help you figure out the train system, the roads when driving, or to trouble shoot anything else. When you’re alone, you are forced to talk more to people you meet along the way because otherwise, you would be talking to yourself (which I’ve done as well). It takes a certain kind of person to do this. You need to be pretty positive, open minded, independent, strong, and willing to roll with whatever comes your way because things WILL go wrong. However, that’s part of the experience.
We all know by now that I’ve learned and changed a lot over the last two years. A LOT. Life pushed me down and I got back up. I look back at the person I was two and a half years ago, that person I wanted desperately to be again for the year after the bombings. Though I am still the same person in some ways, I am also vastly different and I love this new me. I look at life with new eyes, I feel things I never felt, I have a calm acceptance that everything truly happens for a reason, and I crave a beautiful life full of the little things that really matter.
As I said in my last post, this trip was not just some “vacation” as many people called it. It was a life changing trip and for me, a necessary journey. I have always loved Riomaggiore. I’ve felt a peace and happiness there every single time like I do in no other place. After PTSD and being sick, I needed to get away, to regroup, to have experiences I’ve wanted to have for years. I no longer want to keep waiting to do things I want to do because to me, seeing what I’ve seen, I know that at any point, I could lose that chance. I could lose the possibility of “later”. This isn’t in a morbid way but in way that makes me want to LIVE and experience as much as I can while I have the chance. We are only given this one life and I intend to make the most of it.
This trip, I had planned to spend time in the village, meet new people, take day trips and start to take my blog and put it together in a sort of book form. That last one didn’t happen and the second to last was minimal. Why? Because I found once I was there, I just wanted to immerse myself in the daily life of the village. I wanted to have a perfect combination of hiking and activity and relaxation. I spent time with friends and made new ones that I instantly knew would be friends for life. Do you know when you meet people and you feel you’ve known them forever, like you can’t imagine you’ve gone this long without them in your life? I already felt that way with Amy but also feel that way about others I met this time, my “Rio girls”.
You saw how my days were spent. You read about my trips to the butcher and the farmer’s market, the fabulous hikes I did, the “aperitivo’s” with friends and the beautiful photo shoots I was fortunate enough to do.
This trip, I had planned to spend time in the village, meet new people, take day trips and start to take my blog and put it together in a sort of book form. That last one didn’t happen and the second to last was minimal. Why? Because I found once I was there, I just wanted to immerse myself in the daily life of the village. I wanted to have a perfect combination of hiking and activity and relaxation. I spent time with friends and made new ones that I instantly knew would be friends for life. Do you know when you meet people and you feel you’ve known them forever, like you can’t imagine you’ve gone this long without them in your life? I already felt that way with Amy but also feel that way about others I met this time, my “Rio girls”.
You saw how my days were spent. You read about my trips to the butcher and the farmer’s market, the fabulous hikes I did, the “aperitivo’s” with friends and the beautiful photo shoots I was fortunate enough to do.
What I realized these last few weeks (and already knew but sort of needed the confirmation) is that I not only crave a beautiful life, I crave a simpler life. In the states (and many other places as well), we live to work instead of working to live. We live in a society where 2 weeks off a year and 10-12 hour workdays the rest of the weeks are the norm. Other countries take more time off, they value that time, the time to spend with family, to enjoy life. We focus on how much money we can make, how successful we can be, how we can accumulate the newest and best things. We are in constant competition in every aspect of our lives. I look back at the times I’ve felt like a failure because I was comparing myself to others, because of the constant pressure when the reality is that I’m a good person and I’ve built my own successful business doing something that I love. I see those two things as being the most important. I don’t make a lot of money, not even close. It’s not easy. It’s really f’n hard. But, I’d rather do what I love than be miserable and have a lot of money. That isn’t easy to do here. I also feel that we live in a society of adrenaline junkies. Everyone is so fast paced in their work, in their physical activity, in every aspect of their lives. Many people don't know how to just slow down. We're overstimulated constantly and staring at screens isn't helping. I realized something else while over there. I tend to have music on all of the time or TV on in the background at home. I listen to music when I am at the gym, when I workout outside, when I'm at the beach, every place where I need to "Fill the silence". I barely ever listened to music over there. I sat on the train and people watched or just looked out the window or read. I hiked and enjoyed the silence. I went to the beach or harbor and sat listening to the waves and to what was going on around me. I was PRESENT in everything I did. When at home cooking or cleaning, I'd put on some music and then when done, I'd sit and eat my food in the quiet and then read or edit photos. I think this added to my calm energy, the removal of the overstimulation I'm so used to.
We live in a culture where everyone is “busy” all of the time. This quote is one of my favorites. “No one is too busy in this world, it’s all about priorities.” This is true. I was guilty of using that word. I decided to stop and it was amazing how much my life opened up and how much I started having more face to face time with people and truly enjoying the little moments. We make time for the things and people we want to make time for. Maybe it’s a phone call, or just meeting for a coffee, maybe it’s not every week but once a month. Sometimes I go MONTHS without seeing some of my closest friends because trying to schedule something is almost impossible. I read an article about this back in the Spring about a woman living in NYC who had the same experience, had a $90k a year job and how she moved to an island and now loves her life and sees her friends every single day. I hear others talk about the same frustrations of everyone being "too busy". It’s a sign of what is happening to our society. And, to me, it’s not good. Yes, I’m lucky to have a fairly flexible schedule. But shouldn’t that make it even easier to schedule something with me? Yet, I have friends who constantly ask to make plans and then cannot find the time to do so. I have a business and other commitments, but generally, I have quite a few dates to see people that I throw out there. I also make more effort with certain people, those who also put in the effort. I am lucky to have friends here who feel the same way. I was with a friend the other day talking about this. She said one day she stopped and wondered what exactly she was so “busy” with. She made a decision to look at her life and switch her priorities. She said she had the best summer because of it. She works a demanding job and has other responsibilities and yet, I saw her a lot, more than most friends these last 4 months. I no longer make it a priority to see people who don’t put effort into our friendships. If I’m the one reaching out all of the time, I eventually give up. So, a lot of my friendships have changed. You do really see who your true friends are when you go through hard times. I’m fortunate to have people who have been amazing friends, who have been supportive through everything I've dealt with and I reciprocate that. I have that here and I have that in Italy which makes me feel even luckier.
We live in a culture of faces stuck in phones or iPads whether it’s walking down the street, at home on the couch, or even sitting at a restaurant. I’ve thought about starting to count the number of people each day that I see on their phones, even when with someone else. I can be guilty of it too, though I've been really trying not to. I find myself doing it more when I’m with others who do it, because well, if they’re on their phones, what else am I going to do besides sit there and watch them. Even when alone, I start to do it. It's like it's contagious. In Italy, I would sit and have my coffee and just people watch or read a book or start conversations with someone next to me. Yes, there are people who do that here and I try to, but the majority have their faces buried in screens. For me, It had also became a way to help my anxiety. I “escape” when I feel it by going and looking on Pinterest or at my photos, or looking for inspirational quotes online. I hate it. I realized this trip how much I hate it and how I am going to make a conscious effort to change it. I luckily don’t get anxiety much anymore so it shouldn’t be much of an issue. This summer was obviously rough and I slid back into that pattern of escape but it’s just another thing I got from this trip, the desire to stay more present in such actions and stop them.
As I would sit and have drinks with the Rio girls or a coffee or breakfast with a friend, I noticed that it was very rare for anyone to have their phones out or to look at them at all, unless they were waiting to hear from someone, had to call to make their dinner plans with their husbands, or check on their kids. Looking around, the Italians would be sitting together talking through coffee and meals. No one was on their phones. Imagine, actually talking to people, FACE TO FACE? It was SO refreshing. I’m not saying there are no iPads and phones. Everyone has these things, they just don’t let them consume them. And, it didn’t matter how many times we were together, we never ran out of conversation, which I feel is something we’ve lost here. I spent hours every day with Amy. We keep in touch from home, it’s not like we are catching up after not speaking for months. Yet, for 3 weeks straight, we talked, about ourselves, about our lives, about life in general, about everything, with barely a look at our phones while doing so.
We live in a culture of faces stuck in phones or iPads whether it’s walking down the street, at home on the couch, or even sitting at a restaurant. I’ve thought about starting to count the number of people each day that I see on their phones, even when with someone else. I can be guilty of it too, though I've been really trying not to. I find myself doing it more when I’m with others who do it, because well, if they’re on their phones, what else am I going to do besides sit there and watch them. Even when alone, I start to do it. It's like it's contagious. In Italy, I would sit and have my coffee and just people watch or read a book or start conversations with someone next to me. Yes, there are people who do that here and I try to, but the majority have their faces buried in screens. For me, It had also became a way to help my anxiety. I “escape” when I feel it by going and looking on Pinterest or at my photos, or looking for inspirational quotes online. I hate it. I realized this trip how much I hate it and how I am going to make a conscious effort to change it. I luckily don’t get anxiety much anymore so it shouldn’t be much of an issue. This summer was obviously rough and I slid back into that pattern of escape but it’s just another thing I got from this trip, the desire to stay more present in such actions and stop them.
As I would sit and have drinks with the Rio girls or a coffee or breakfast with a friend, I noticed that it was very rare for anyone to have their phones out or to look at them at all, unless they were waiting to hear from someone, had to call to make their dinner plans with their husbands, or check on their kids. Looking around, the Italians would be sitting together talking through coffee and meals. No one was on their phones. Imagine, actually talking to people, FACE TO FACE? It was SO refreshing. I’m not saying there are no iPads and phones. Everyone has these things, they just don’t let them consume them. And, it didn’t matter how many times we were together, we never ran out of conversation, which I feel is something we’ve lost here. I spent hours every day with Amy. We keep in touch from home, it’s not like we are catching up after not speaking for months. Yet, for 3 weeks straight, we talked, about ourselves, about our lives, about life in general, about everything, with barely a look at our phones while doing so.
It was also really nice walking down the street every day and getting a “buongiorno” from people standing along the street or from inside their shops as I walked by and from people I didn’t know but recognized. Even when places were busy, everyone had a “ciao” and a smile. Even on the busiest of days with tourists flooding the main streets, there are so many little streets and places out of the way to go for some quiet. Being able to walk down the street to the sea and watch the waves crashing, to the butcher or little mom and pop market for fresh, daily essentials, seeing the fish truck parked along the street in the morning where you can go buy fresh catches, and seeing friends almost daily while doing so was something I loved.
I love and am very close to my family and friends here. I feel I’ve finally reached a place where I have people in my life who support and add to my life, I’ve changed my relationships with others and have removed those who are toxic. I grew to really love my life. You can really learn to appreciate what you have and have a new outlook after a big trauma. Not everyone does, but I was fortunate in the way I have worked through it all and the amazing support I’ve had along the way. This is probably the only thing that will make it difficult to make a decision I plan to make by the winter.
I feel very strongly now that I may be meant to be in Italy. It’s like it’s calling me. I felt so at home for those 24 days and it just felt “right” to be there and with the people. I’ve always been a little sad to come home just because I’ve enjoyed my trips so much, but this time was different. Generally I’m also excited to be home in Boston. This time, I didn’t have a desire to come home. I was disappointed. I felt a relief when my flight was cancelled. I wondered if I would feel the same way once I was back in Boston. I do. It’s been a week so far and I feel homesick for Riomaggiore. As I drive through rush hour traffic here and look at the hustle and bustle around me, I think to myself, “This is not what I want my days to be like.” I haven’t stopped thinking about moving since I got home. I’ve thought about all of the steps I have to take: selling my stuff, getting a job to supplement my photography until I can build my business there, finding a place to live (these things will be a lot easier since I have friends there and those who have done it), how I need to settle things here and figure out if I will come back for extended trips to still keep my Spring and Fall clients here (very likely to those of you whose picture I take!). There are more details to be figured out and I’m working on them.
I am not making a decision right now. I have decided I will see how I feel once I’ve been back for a while. I will then travel to Riomaggiore in January to visit and do some photo work and see what it is like there in the quiet season. Then, I will make my final decision. I don’t know how long it will take to get there if I decide to go, but if I make that decision, I will put everything in motion by then (but already be prepared with all I’ll need before that). I truly believe that this could be my destiny and it’s pretty telling that many other people have said the same thing, even not knowing I was considering this. It also really feels that the universe has completely lined this up for me over the last two years.
I am not making a decision right now. I have decided I will see how I feel once I’ve been back for a while. I will then travel to Riomaggiore in January to visit and do some photo work and see what it is like there in the quiet season. Then, I will make my final decision. I don’t know how long it will take to get there if I decide to go, but if I make that decision, I will put everything in motion by then (but already be prepared with all I’ll need before that). I truly believe that this could be my destiny and it’s pretty telling that many other people have said the same thing, even not knowing I was considering this. It also really feels that the universe has completely lined this up for me over the last two years.
I got the question, “But what if you get there and you don’t like it?” Well, if I am there and realize it’s not where I’m supposed to be, I’ll come home, or go wherever is calling me next. Just because I go there does not mean I’m nailed down. It may be temporary or it could be permanent. Either way, I cannot live with the “what if”. While I do have two businesses here, I have nothing that is really tying me down, so this is the time to try this if it’s what I decide I want. I have no kids, no mortgage. I only have me and the thought of selling all of my “things” is actually pretty liberating.
The other thing this move could allow me to do is visit many other places on my list. It’s pretty easy and inexpensive to travel around Europe and I want to see as many places and experience as many cultures as possible. There is so much more out there than what we know here. I said how Russia changed my outlook on things. I’ve lost that at times, times when I’ve been spoiled. But, I now find myself seeing more often than not just how spoiled and entitled we can be. Travel has helped with that. We are overworked and overstressed here. We waste water while there are people in the world who wake up every day unsure if they will have any clean water to drink (and many die because they don’t). We build huge houses with big fences and close ourselves off to our neighbors (or worse, live in buildings or attached houses and still don’t know our neighbors). In Riomaggiore, houses are small but beautiful inside, people take pride in the presentation of things but the focus is not at all on their "stuff" or how big their house is.
We see constant violent acts like school shootings from mentally ill people able to get guns and we get outraged, but nothing changes. We don't get to the root of problems (this extends to medical and other issues as well). Instead, we point fingers and "treat the symptoms". We’re this “great nation”, the “greatest nation in the world”. But, are we? What gives us the right to claim that? Do we focus on the right things? We have many things that are great, but there are also so many things that are not. I’m not saying I think this is a bad place. It provides many opportunities and has many pros. However, it may just not be the place for me at this time. I want to live in a small village where I feel safe at any hour, where people take a break during the day, maintain constant social connections (not just through technology) and live a different way with different priorities than we do here.
The other thing this move could allow me to do is visit many other places on my list. It’s pretty easy and inexpensive to travel around Europe and I want to see as many places and experience as many cultures as possible. There is so much more out there than what we know here. I said how Russia changed my outlook on things. I’ve lost that at times, times when I’ve been spoiled. But, I now find myself seeing more often than not just how spoiled and entitled we can be. Travel has helped with that. We are overworked and overstressed here. We waste water while there are people in the world who wake up every day unsure if they will have any clean water to drink (and many die because they don’t). We build huge houses with big fences and close ourselves off to our neighbors (or worse, live in buildings or attached houses and still don’t know our neighbors). In Riomaggiore, houses are small but beautiful inside, people take pride in the presentation of things but the focus is not at all on their "stuff" or how big their house is.
We see constant violent acts like school shootings from mentally ill people able to get guns and we get outraged, but nothing changes. We don't get to the root of problems (this extends to medical and other issues as well). Instead, we point fingers and "treat the symptoms". We’re this “great nation”, the “greatest nation in the world”. But, are we? What gives us the right to claim that? Do we focus on the right things? We have many things that are great, but there are also so many things that are not. I’m not saying I think this is a bad place. It provides many opportunities and has many pros. However, it may just not be the place for me at this time. I want to live in a small village where I feel safe at any hour, where people take a break during the day, maintain constant social connections (not just through technology) and live a different way with different priorities than we do here.
Food. Italy is the country of coffee (tiny coffees, not a giant cup that’s supposed to be a “small”) and croissants for breakfast, they love their chocolate and nutella, and they have quite a lot of bread and pasta products. However, you don’t really see fat Italians. They may eat their croissants for breakfast, but they have large meals with high quality food. Europe in general has better food. Artificial Growth Hormones are not allowed and meats using them are even banned from being imported into the EU (something the U.S. has tried to fight). They're more concerned about health than fattening up their livestock. Artificial dyes are rarely found. Yes, Italy is the place of 4 course meals, but those meals are better than ours. They consist of higher quality foods and they last for hours. Here, we are even in a rush to eat. Restaurants are concerned with turnaround. We eat fast because we have so many other things to do. Italians sit and enjoy their food, they take 2 hours to have those 4 courses and the portion sizes are not like they are here. I found it easier to eat the way I need to for my healing diet in many ways. In general, Italians just eat much better foods and a lot less "convenience foods" full of crap. I think the other part to Italians not being "fat" (In 2011, they ranked #68 on the global obesity chart, we ranked #9) is that they aren't as stressed as we are. Their lifestyle provides for a calmer, lower stress life. They certainly are not perfect and do not have absolutely perfect health, but they are doing a lot of things right.
A few people made comments before I left about how maybe I’d meet the love of my life or “fall in love” while I was there. I said that wasn’t the point and that I doubted it would happen. I was going for ME. The truth is, I fell in love with the lifestyle, the people, the beauty, the place itself, and in the process, I learned even more about myself, about what I want and maybe even fell more in love with myself and the person I’ve become. I truly believe you need to do that in order to be happy, to be able to give pure, unconditional love to everyone and everything around you. And that, may be the best gift of all.
Thanks for reading! I know it was long. ;) Next post will be focused on some travel tips and my favorite places in Cinque Terre to eat, stay, shop and play.
XO
Nicole
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