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Transition

8/30/2016

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Change isn't always easy. Transitions are hard. But, we face them constantly. A year ago tomorrow, I was on a plane to Italy for 3 weeks. I have to admit, the next few weeks of "Facebook memories" will be hard as my plan to be either living or visiting Italy right now was postponed. Last year's trip was a journey I needed. My life was completely shaken in 2013 and I was forced to face and deal with a lot. My life changed. I changed. And while we all experience transition daily, I was hit with many big changes, all at once.  It wasn't easy. But, it brought me to amazing places, experiences and people. That trip was something I'd wanted to do for years and it was time to make it happen as I tried to figure out my next steps, out of the fog I'd been in trying to navigate my physical and emotional healing. When I returned, I spent some time thinking and talking to close friends and family about moving to this calm and simple fishing village. I felt sure it was my next move and that I would take the time to figure out how to make it happen while also not closing the door on my life here. But, as life happens, that changed over time. 

As I was working on re-growing my business and getting more deeply connected with the important people and things in my life as well as myself, I decided my place is here, at least for now. As time went on, other experiences and things started to come into my life to show I was making the right decision to stay. It doesn't mean I won't go someday because well, life always changes and we never know what it will bring. 


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My decision to stay brings about other changes and other decisions that need to be made. I'm still trying to make my way through financial stress brought on by those years of healing. I'm still re-building this business I've put my heart and soul into. I feel slightly stuck in this area. I'm navigating through dating after many years of not letting myself even give anyone a chance.  I have new and old projects that are deeply important to me that I am giving attention to. I'm faced with the decisions of where to live, where to go from here in both my personal and professional life.  It's not easy. It's stressful. It's overwhelming. It's scary. But, I'm confident that it will all work out the way it needs to. That doesn't make it easier. I have to be honest, it's taken it's toll on me many days recently. I've even spent some time pulled back from people in my life, trying to figure it all out. But, I remind myself that this is where I need to be. Everything I've done and experienced to this point was important. It all lead me to the amazing opportunities I've had. It's led me to the person I am today. A person who used to be a somewhat sad, lost and self-conscious woman and is now confident, happy, and full of hope and love. 


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I don't know for sure where I'm heading. I have my goals. I know what I'd like in my life, but we all know life isn't certain. We can't plan exactly what will be. We must do our best to work toward our dreams but accept that life changes, we change every single day. I'm still learning how to fully accept that, but I find when I remind myself on difficult days when I'm overwhelmed, I come back to a place of peace and hope. 

Everyone I know goes through big and small life changes every day. I'm sure you all do. Do you embrace them? Do they overwhelm you? Do you resist? There is no right or wrong but I am finding that the days I embrace and accept it all are much easier. :) ​​

XO
​Nicole

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    Nicole O'Neil

    I am a portrait, event, and travel photographer based in Charlestown, MA. I was at the 2013 Boston Marathon and here to share my experience with PTSD since that day. 

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