Now, it’s been almost 4 days, off and on. It started Thursday. In the midst of a very busy work season, I was really looking forward to a little staycation in the city to regroup and refresh. Earlier that day, a small bit of anxiety started creeping in and stayed for a while until I was at the hotel, disconnected myself from social media and the internet and I did very much enjoy that time, anxiety free.
I was so consumed in 2013 and some of 2014 and became so in tune with it after the bombing, that even at a small level, I can identify it. I’ve had this sort of flutter in my chest and my breathing has been “off”. It’s honestly hard to explain. The shaking I used to experience or the big anxiety attacks were easy. There were lots of easily described physical symptoms. This isn’t as easy to describe.
It certainly hasn’t affected getting through my daily life, but it’s been very annoying especially since I couldn’t identify why the heck I had it. I mean, life is great. Work is crazy busy but great. I was heading out to spend a night on the town. I have great friends and family. Life is awesome. Why would I have anxiety? On Friday, when I "reconnected", I realized the reason.
I AM LITERALLY HAVING ANXIETY ABOUT AN ELECTION.
I realized after two days trying to figure it out, that as I read or heard angry, fearful, or hateful things said related to the election, that fluttering became more prevalent. It would go away when I was completely removed from it. I also realized something over time, post-bombing. I am highly sensitive to other’s energy. I would notice I would feel sick or anxious when someone around me was angry or anxious. Then, I realized it would go away as soon as I removed myself from the situation or person. I believe there is a LOT of anger and anxiety right now and that I’m taking it all in from those around me in addition to my own fears being brought to the surface. That quote above is correct. ENERGY IS CONTAGIOUS and boy, I'm feeling that strongly right now.
I don't want that to be in a "doomsday" kind of way. I am still happy and loving my life and will continue to be. But, I am realizing as this draws to a "close” that I truly am both afraid of and saddened by some things. I am saddened by how angry and hateful so many people have been and I think it will just get worse before it gets better. I’m afraid of the way people are so close-minded and see things so black and white when the whole world and life mostly falls in the grey. I am afraid of what that can do to us, as communities, as a country. I’m afraid of the people out there who will feel the need to retaliate and get their own perceived “justice” no matter what the results. But, mostly, and I’m sorry if any reading are his supporters, I am literally terrified of a Trump presidency. That is not a statement I make lightly. I have never had that feeling before about any candidate. In general, there is not much I’m afraid of, you know, besides sharks because those suckers are scary.
While I've just outlined my fears, I also do think that this election has had positives. Issues have come to the surface that need to be addressed, it's shown us how divided we are and how we need to strive for cohesiveness, for better in each of us and as a whole. I only hope we can all realize that and move forward in a positive way.
This all has reminded me of the words used in the title above and the image below. It is an important one for me to focus on right now. When there is chaos in the world, be still. When we give into the chaos around us, when we take it on ourselves, it becomes us. So, I will be do my best to be "still" today, tomorrow, and after, regardless of what happens. I hope you all do the same. XO